"3 Ways to Resolve Fights and Disagreements"

Oddly enough, there's a relationship strategy that almost everyone tries at one time or another that they think will make things better but almost never does...

Talk about a communication challenge-this is certainly one of the biggest!

Here's what frequently happens...

When we are in a relationship with someone (especially our intimate partner or spouse) and we get triggered or upset, the first thing that usually happens is that we shut down to the other person in some way or another.

Some of us get mad or just peeved and some of us withdraw, either agreeing to something we don't want or disagreeing but withdrawing our energy.

However you shut down, the outcome is still the same - disconnection.

When you shut down emotionally or energetically, you are nowhere close to coming together on an agreement and a way to proceed to resolve the difference when this happens.

No matter how insignificant the issue, resentment can build and continue to separate you from the love and connection that you both may want.

You start doing what we call "talking on eggshells," not really saying what you mean because irritation seems to be a constant between you.

So what can you do when this happens?

How can you learn to say what you mean when it's important to do so and it's difficult to do so?

We created some great new strategies to help you with this and many other important communication issues that you can learn about at www.StopTalkingOnEggshells.com but here's what we can tell you right now about it...

Although it may seem like the complete opposite of what you might want to do or what might feel natural to do-- one of the best things you can do when you're having a difficult moment in your relationship or marriage is to open, even when it's difficult to do it.

You'll hear us saying this a lot but it's so true and worth repeating--

Everything you do either moves you closer to or further from the love that you really want. It's the choices you make in every moment that make the difference whether you keep a relationship alive or deaden it.

And, opening is a choice that you can make.

So how do you open up when you're triggered and feel closed, angry, or withdrawn toward the other person?

Here are 3 tips to help you to open so that the two of you can begin to come to a resolution about whatever differences, disagreements or fights you might be experiencing...

1. Own your stories-What is it you are telling yourself about this situation? Are you holding on to being right? Take a moment and listen in on what you are saying to yourself about this situation. Ask yourself what it would mean to get your way or if you didn't get your way.What are you telling yourself being right or getting your way will prove?

2. Remember that you love or even like this person-What is your desire with this relationship? If it's connection and love, then bring your thoughts back to why you love this person, even though you may both be at odds at the moment.

Remember that you aren't always at odds (even though you may think you are at the moment) and bring your mind and heart back to times when you were on the same page.

3. Share and listen with love-What is it that you want to share from your heart? Be curious about what you want and also what the other wants. Know that you both have choice and listen and share from that feeling of wide openness.

Opening when you are triggered is a choice. You can stay stuck in negativity, possibly harming your relationship and certainly making your life miserable-or you can choose to open to maybe another alternative or way of doing things.

The choice is love or distance. Which do you choose?

For more information about how you can begin communicating and connecting deeper with the people in your life, especially when it's difficult, go here now 
www.StopTalkingonEggshells.com

By Susie and Otto Collins

Intimacy Tips and Love Making Secrets for Couples

"When It Comes To Love-Making--What Most Women Want But Most Men Don't Do"

When Jim Morrison from the 60's rock band "The Doors" sang "Come on, Come On, Come On, Come On now touch me babe," he was giving some pretty good advice.

This is one of the things that women MOST want from their men and men don't do it.

(At least in the way that she wants...)

The men that we work with tell us...

"I want my woman to want me more"

"I want to have more sex"

"My relationship with my woman just isn't as
intimate or as passionate as it used to be"

And a million other things...

Men want to know...,

 "What can I do to make things different and better? "

In our "Red Hot Love Relationships" book and audio program, we give you 77 Skills and Ideas for turning up the heat in your relationship (both in and out of the bedroom).

If you don't have a copy of "Red Hot Love Relationships," we highly recommend you go get your copy and devour every word of it.

Here's something we've discovered about love and our relationship...

Love, intimacy, passion and smoking-hot sex starts way before you get to the bedroom.

Most guys don't realize this. 

At some level, men think their women should be just like them.

The thought or idea of love, lovemaking or sex comes into men's minds and then they start visualizing, imagining, hoping, wanting and pretty soon (like in about 3 minutes if all goes well), they're ready.

The problem is...

It doesn't work that way for women.

For women...

It's what happens in the 24 hours (or more) prior to this moment that men want to make something happen in the bedroom that determines whether the women are open to being intimate or sexual or not.

We talk about this a lot and what's important is...

Men--make love with her ALL day and not just in the 3 minutes before you want to be intimate.

Flirt with her ALL day and not just when you want her to be intimate.

Talk to her in a loving way ALL day and not just when you want to get her behind closed doors.

Touch her ALL day in loving, gentle, sexy, playful and flirty ways ALL day EVERY day and not just when you "want " her.

If you're like most men when you read what we just said...

You're thinking, "But I do those things, already!"

We're willing to bet that you don't.

Otherwise you'd be getting more of what you want from her.

Otto operates from a very simple premise with Susie...

His premise is-- "I can get everything I want from her (and more) if I will only give her want she wants from me (her man)."

This sounds so incredibly simple that it sounds almost too simple and too good to be true.

But it's not. 

If you as a man give give your woman everything she wants, the rewards are incredible.

The two of us make love every single day.

We're kind and nice to each other.

We laugh and love all the time and it is only going to get better.

The same thing can happen with you if you only make some shifts in your thought, beliefs and actions with each other.

So, what is one thing you can focus on to build more passion, energy, connection and desire with each other?

Men--Do what we suggested a few moments ago and "touch" her.

That's right.

Touch her.

Your woman is craving your touch.

She wants to feel your caress, a touch on the back, a touch of the hand as you're putting the dishes away and any other time you can "accidentally" or on purpose touch her.

You can have so much more than you do right now in your relationship or marriage if you will only tune into your woman and give her more of what she wants and this includes "touching."

Just to make sure we're clear...

This "touching" that I'm talking about isn't some manipulative trick to get her into the bedroom more often.

A non-sexual touch can demonstrate how much you love her in a way that you might not understand but she will.

Remember, whether your touch is sexual or non-sexual (We suggest you mix it up throughout the day)--it's about connection with her and NOT about manipulation.

It's touching her to make HER feel good as well as to increase connection and desire for you.

For more ideas on how to have a more connected, vibrant relationship with your partner (and perhaps turn up the heat in your relationship) click here.


by Susie and Otto Collins

"A Romantic Trip Down Memory Lane "

Taking trips down memory lane can do amazing things for your relationship. Think about how good it makes you feel when you bring out those old recordings of the music you listened to when you first fell in love.

What a special way to celebrate your love, reconnect to a special time and to re- energize your relationship. Focusing on the nostalgic parts of your relationship that were about connection-not disconnection-is like engaging in selective memory which strengthens your current connection.

To take a trip down memory lane, you might go to a restaurant or park that you used to go to or do some activity together that used to make your hearts sing. Make it fun and a mini-celebration of the two of you. If you have kids, find a babysitter and just play together.

We love to visit the place where we had our first official "date" and also where we were married. It's a beautiful, natural setting in Hocking Hills, not too far from our home in Ohio, called Ash Cave.

In recreating our first date, we sit on the log that we sat so many years ago and passionately kiss each other as we did then. We stand where we stood to say our wedding vows and we repeat our vows. These trips always bring us closer and help keep the feelings that we felt for each other so many years ago alive and growing.

You may not have a special place that you once liked to visit that is readily available to you but there might be other things that you can surprise your partner with or plan together that would rekindle your passion.

It doesn't even have to mean "doing" something. It could mean recapturing a feeling in a moment. Here’s what one man said about using his trip down memory lane to keep their love exciting…

“Notice the small things that attracted the two of you in the first place. Just the other day, when she smiled at me while looking out of the corner of her eyes, I felt my heart warm and remembered the feeling all over again as if it were the first time we met. It’s something you just know and feel that does exist but must be protected, respected, and nurtured.” Sam

We're suggesting that nostalgia might be a way to bring the two of you closer by reminding you what you once had together and what is still possible.

Today, find something that the two of you enjoyed in the past, that you have stopped doing and would like to experience again. Plan when you are going to do this activity again.


By Susie and Otto Collins

"3 Love Making Tips for Couples in Long-Term Relationships" by Susie and Otto Collins

You’ve probably been making love with each other for many years and might question why you need to read an article about love making. Keep reading because we have some helpful surprises for you!

You may have forgotten a few things along the way and there may also be some new things you’d like to try.

Here are a few love making tips just for you…

1. Create the time for love and romance in your relationship. Love making can be put on the back burner too easily as time slips away from you. Couples like this intend to get to it when life calms down. Like most people, you have to make the time in your life for what’s important to you. If intimate time together is important, create the time for it. If being spontaneous doesn’t work out, block out time for a “love date” and don’t allow other things to get in the way.

2. If you don’t feel like making love, honestly communicate with your partner and yourself. This may sound simple, but sometimes it isn’t. Physical ailments—real or imagined—are allowed get in the way of intimacy. There are also times when you are just too tired and love making is not on your mind. Whatever it is, let your partner know honestly and then make a “date” for a time when you know you’ll feel better or have more time to connect with each other. If you are really feeling disconnection from your partner, don’t use the old “I have a headache” excuse. Honestly facing the issue with your partner can help you feel better.

3. Focus on each other—let go of concerns about the kids or work. Wipe extraneous thoughts, worries and fears from your mind when you come together for love making. If this isn’t possible, let your partner know you need to clear your head. Then go take a walk or do something that will help. You may also need to deal with a particular issue or problem with your partner. Take care of that first, then focus on the love you have for each other.

These are just a few ideas you can try to create more passion in your love making. Learning new skills and opening up to new ways to be together will help you deepen your connection. 

"Communication Tips for More Romance and Spark in your Marriage or Relationship" By Susie and Otto Collins

When people talk about “red hot relationships,” they are often referring to the passionate connecting of a couple through lovemaking. But did you know that you can communicate with your love in red hot ways as well?

It's true! And, even better, when your communication is red hot, that sense of intimacy and spark will likely carry through to other areas of your relationship-- including lovemaking.

What we mean by “red hot communication” is that there is a sense of aliveness and excitement when you and your partner are just hanging out together talking about how your day was or making plans for the future. No matter how mundane or how intense and life-altering the topic of your talk is, there is a close, heart-felt connection between you and your mate as you exchange information and share feelings.

Does this mean you and your mate will talk about absolutely everything in intimate and excited ways-- deciding who will take out the trash or pick up your daughter from band practice? Perhaps not.

But what it does mean is that you both keep a sense of openness, engaged interest and even adventure alive in your everyday as well as out of the ordinary conversations.

Think about how many times a day you converse with your mate? This might be via cell phone texting, e-mailing, the telephone itself or in face to face sharing with one another.

What is the usual energy behind your communicating? Does it tend to bored or “same old, same old”? If so, that dulled energy can begin to seep into your relationship leaving either or both of you wanting more.

Erin and Paul are both bored stiff in their marriage. Yes, they still love each other deeply and yes, they both intend to stay committed and married to one another.

But, yes, they both also want more spark in their relationship. Even when they mix it up and go out to eat at a new restaurant, they can't seem to find anything to talk about that feels exciting.

Occasionally Erin brings up politics trying to start a debate with Paul just to get some passionate feelings going in their conversation. Re-ignite your spark for your own life. 

Sometimes, even outside your relationship, a case of the doldrums can happen. Take a look at how you feel about your life overall.

Do you allow yourself to get excited about the wonders of the world around (and within) you or do you tend to only see your usual “treadmill” existence which has lost its luster?

If you have a case of the doldrums with life, start shifting your perspective and opening your eyes. Make it your challenge to find one thing every single day that you can feel excited about.

This might be the fact that everyone at work received free bagels. Or, it could be that the sky is amazingly blue and clear and you take a few moments to look up and appreciate it.

Erin and Paul realize how focused they've both become on their careers and their goals. So much so that they've each lost some of the wonder they used to feel about life.

When they started dating they shared a love of nature. While they still take regular hikes, it seems that they now take for granted the beauty that surrounds them.

Now that they've each decided to pay more attention to what makes them feel alive, they're both noticing renewed spark for what they are experiencing. As a result, their talks about these “new” discoveries are more passionate and engaging.

Put heart and presence into your communicating. 
In our busy and often routinized lives, too often we multi-task trying to communicate with our love in the midst of it all. If you can stop-- even for just 4 or 5 breaths-- and look your partner in the eyes while speaking, the connecting power of your communication will improve.

This is especially the case when you are communicating your love to your partner. When you open your heart and allow yourself to be vulnerable while communicating, you may find a deeper, more intimate level of connection.

Erin realizes that she tends to hold back when sharing with Paul-- especially when it comes to her dreams to start her own business one day.

She fears that he won't approve or will think she's ridiculous for having such an irresponsible idea. But when she opens up to him and shares this dream, she is surprised to find a new, adventurous energy in their communicating.

She may or may not actually start her own business one day, but the fact that she trusted Paul with this deep desire, added a level of intimacy and aliveness to their communicating and relationship.

It doesn't matter what you are talking with your partner about. What is perhaps most important is how you are communicating. When your energy and engagement with one another are filled with passion and excitement, you can connect in ways that bring you even closer together and keep your spark strong.

Romance Tips and Romantic Ideas

"6 Romantic Ideas for Adding More Spice to your Relationship"

By Susie and Otto Collins

Rediscovering how to have fun together is one of the best ways we know to rebuild connection and love--and spice up your the romance in your relationship.

What we've discovered about typical relationships is that most of the time we have fun as a couple in the early stages and then we get "serious." Somewhere along the way, some or all of the fun, romance, and excitement gets sucked out of the relationship-- especially if there's a situation where trust gets violated.

What we're talking about here is the time or point in your relationship when things are no longer easy or when you start to notice and focus on the negative or less desirable aspects of each other. You might even find yourself wondering what happened.

Of course there's a lot more to regaining a more connected relationship than just having fun together. It's not a magic cure-all but it is part of the equation to create connection instead of the disconnection that mistrust brings. In our relationship, we're no longer newlyweds and not only do we still have a great deal of passion, love, intimacy and connection between us but we still enjoy each other's company and have a great deal of fun together. One thing we can tell you from personal experience is that having fun is important and it's something you don't want to lose. If fun is something that seems to have faded a bit and you'd like more in your relationship...

Here are some ideas that we want to share with you about how you can use "fun" to build more trust, passion, love and connection...

1. Remember what you did when you were first dating and do it again. Try romantic dinners, a walk in the park, a surprise bunch of flowers or phone calls to say 'I love you' during the day.

The key is to spend time together and make your relationship a priority. Don't let spending time with the kids, although good for your family, be a substitute for the two of you to have fun together.

2. In the midwest, we have a restaurant chain called "Johnny Rockets," complete with 1950's, 60's and 70's ambience and jukebox. If you have something like that in your area, whether you like the food or not, drop in and play the songs that you used to love.

3. Act like kids. Do some silly things like visit a park and swing on the swings or do something that you used to do as a kid like playing jump rope or hop scotch.

4. Rent silly movies that make both of you laugh. There's always a comedy section in dvd rental stores. Visit it together and pick out a few, along with some popcorn.

5. Do some activity together that you used to love to do and haven't for awhile--or maybe something that you've always wanted to try together.

Today we went to the zoo and a couple of weeks ago we went bowling together. There are usually plenty of chances to laugh doing these kinds of activities if you don't take them seriously. Take the competition out of any game if you want to build trust and connection. Just let the activity be about having fun together.

6. Play a guessing game by writing words with your finger on each other's backs. Try to guess what the other person wrote. Then give each other foot massages while you watch one of the funny movies.

We hope our ideas got your creative juices going and you are beginning to think about what having more fun together might mean to you.

This week, you and your partner make individual lists of what fun means to each of you.Then, start doing the things on your lists. Take turns and try new things. Actually schedule them in on your calendar. Make sure that there's no pressure and no drama. Just have it as your intention to have fun--nothing more, nothing less.

These are just a few things that can get you started thinking about how you can have more fun and romance in your relationship.

When you continue to do these kinds of things on a regular basis, we think you'll love the positive changes that can happen for you.

As we like to say-- everything is a choice in life and having fun is a choice that always creates better relationships and a better life experience. These are just a few ideas you can try to create more passion in your love making. Learning new skills and opening up to new ways to be together will help you deepen your connection. 

For more tips and ideas on how to create a red hot love relationship in and out of the bedroom and keep it that way visit http://www.RedHotLoveRelationships.com

Is your relationship in the danger zone? - Take Relationship Coaches Susie and Otto Collins' quiz to find out...

1. Do you have certain expectations about how you want to be treated in this relationship and are you often disappointed? 

 
2. Do you find that you are jealous of other people and their relationships? 
 
3. Do you have a feeling of disappointment or failure from past relationships and does that interfere in your current relationship? 
 
4. Do you want more romance in your relationship? 
 
5. Are you irritated with your partner most of the time and do you think he/she is wrong? 
 
6. Are you afraid to say what you are feeling for fear of causing problems? 
 
7. Are you constantly trying to "fix" your partner or is your partner trying to "fix" you? 
 
8. Do you or your partner allow problems to simmer and then one or both of you explode? 
 
9. Do you run away emotionally or physically when things get tough? 
 
10.Do you ever stay late at work or do other things to avoid being with your partner? 
 
11.Has anyone ever asked you why you are with your partner and suggest that you might be happier with someone else? 
 
Scoring System: If you answered "yes" to 5 or more of these questions, your relationship may be in the "danger zone." What this "danger zone" may be telling you is not that you should leave this relationship but rather that you and your partner need to focus some attention on it and learn how to make it better. 
 
It may also mean that you need to take some time to decide how you want to live your life. If you answered "yes" to 2 or more of these questions your relationship may need some attention. 
 
Depending on your specific challenges, we have several books and courses that can help you put the "spark" back into your relationship and change it for the better or help you come to your best decision and move on with your life. 
 
To help you make the most conscious decision possible about whether to stay in or leave your relationship, visit http://www.stayorgo.com and get our free mini-course. 
 
To learn to create more trust in your relationship, visit http://www.relationshiptrust.com 
 
To help you to learn to communicate better, visit http://www.communication-magic.com 
 
To learn specific ideas to create the relationship you've always wanted, go to http://www.relationshipattractorfactor.com 
 
If you have been battling jealousy and just can't seem to win, go to http://www.NoMoreJealousy.com